Yeeesh.

Been freaking out all day since the phone call.  I relish the good news (risk for Downs is 1:360, Spina Bifida is 1:2,000) but can't help but focus on the bad (Trisomy 18 1:18 risk).

Of course I drive myself crazy reading message boards and research on this chromosomal deficiency.  I read stories of babies born still, babies living 5 days, look at photos of dead babies...I need another hobby besides pregnancy.

The truth that I know is that this is a minimal 5% risk.  I also know what a horrible prognosis it presents if it is, in fact, Trisomy 18.  I ALSO know that God has a plan for me and Vivian Grace and I need to surrender to His will.

I can't help the bad feelings that creep in.  I can't help but feel that I am being punished for conceiving a child out of wedlock...I know these feelings are wrong to have.  I know I am beating myself up.  I also know I have to let myself go through these feelings and accept them...right or wrong as they may be.

In one week I will have more answers.  I have a feeling it is going to be a very very long week. 

Trisomy 18 risk, 1:18

Just got off of the phone with the genetic counselor.  With the second round of the sequential screening my risk for Trisomy 18 has come back with a number that I am quite uncomfortable with, 1:18.

All of my other bloodwork has been great up until now.  It's amazing how much information they can now glean from simple blood tests, and while I am thankful for the knowledge, it now becomes a waiting game for the week.  I will be seen next week for a more comprehensive sonogram and potentially an amnio pending the sonogram results.

This chromosomal defect impacts about 1 in 3,000 pregnancies.  50% of these babies do not make it to term, and only 10% make it to their first birthday. 

I cannot dwell in fear, I must live in prayer.

One of the many reasons I am SO TIRED!

What a learning experience this whole invasion is.  While I was aware that fatigue is a consistent symptom during pregnancy, the many reasons for this were unknown to me.  I have learned that I now have 25 to 45% more BLOOD!  Not only do I see this as yet another reason for weight gain, but my heart is now working a whole lot harder to power my fatness!  

Add to this, increased blood flow to my parts (which, sadly, I cannot see any more and am in a state of mourning and regret that I neglected to say goodbye to my vagina, which will never look as it last did in my eyes).  So my organs, my parts, and whatever else have more blood.  My heart is working a whole lot harder to power my body and I find myself worn out from walking the flatness with my fatness.

This too shall pass, and the rewards will be immeasurable as I have now come to recognize.

Low Lying Placenta

At the Perinatal visit this week, I was informed that I currently have a low lying placenta.  This is a condition that should correct itself over time; however, I will continue to be followed by the specialist and they will monitor this condition to make sure it does.  Apparently, it is a relatively common condition but can lead to, I believe, the need for a C-Section should it not correct itself.  Basically, my placenta is the first thing that would be exiting the exit hole which is not a favorable thing.  I was wondering why, during my sonogram this week, they seemed so focused on my cervix and now I know why.  As my pregnancy progresses, should this condition continue, it is called "Placenta Previa".

Upon further research, there is nothing that I have done wrong to create this issue and there is nothing that I can do to help my placenta move to where it is supposed to go.  I guess this is another situation where the power of positive thinking and prayer fall into place.  Let's hope my brain and heart can fix my placenta.

Pregnancy Acne, Giant Boobs, hemorrhoids, and that Belly that kinda looks either fat or pregnant...FUN!

Today is the first day I tried on official "maternity clothing", a pair of Old Navy maternity denim shorts.  They are surprisingly comfortable, and I have realized that while I wear stretchy clothes, I look even fatter because they don't have that special maternity panel that I have only today realized, is actually slimming!

So, totally fatigued, with a new friend the hemorrhoid slowly emerging and a face that looks like a nervous 8th grade clarinet player, I tackle my days.

Oh, did I mention?  It's a GIRL!

Spotting in 12th week...quite a wake up call!

First, let me say, there is no longer any need to panic so breathe!

Here is what I have learned, and it isn't all Miss Manners pretty!  First of all, pre-natal vitamins make you constipated, secondly...pregnancy makes you constipated!  With the overflow into your body of pregnancy hormones and God knows what else, apparently there is a consistent side effect of all of the soft tissue in your body relaxing.  This causes a great deal of fun.  One thing few folks understand, the majority of your digestive tract is made up of...guess what....wait for it...soft tissue!

This makes digestion take longer, gas more prevalent, and, oh joy, constipation!

So not to be overly disgusting, but I was on the toilet, pushing like a Vietnamese woman giving birth in a rice paddy to expel something from the other end.  We are talking feet on the toilet seat people...anyway, once I had completed this daunting task, a swipe of the Cottonelle revealed BRIGHT RED BLOOD and I went into sheer YIKES mode.  The books all tell you that brown blood is good, red blood is bad.  Double YIKES.

A quick call to the doctor's office, a call back from the midwife who passed it off as "totally normal" and "happens to everyone", me=not satisfied.

Bleeding during pregnancy, it happens, but it is NOT normal.  Further research revealed to me that straining to have a bowel movement can put additional pressure on your sensitive cervix causing slight rupture and bleeding but it's really ok.  I did want to share this information with others so that they might learn from my panic attack.

All is well now, but going to be keeping an eye on my fiber.

Thank you Champion for the best sleeping bra EVER!

I have just finished an old fashioned practice...I wrote a letter to Champion to thank them for creating such an amazing product to help me sleep!

The Champion C9 Camisole Sports Bra has so far saved my sleep and hopefully my overly ample bosom.  You can get them at Target and they amazingly protect the sensitivity AND provide great support!  I am soooo excited to have found this wonderful product, and I am NOT a paid spokesman but I would be happy to be one!