I heard the news today...oh crap!

Well, yesterday actually. Sunday night, after getting home from another super fun day with all of my super fun single friends, I glanced once again at the tampon I had been carrying around "just in case" for the past two weeks...I thought of the guy I broke up with last month and that morning when he made it past the gate. It occurred to me that perhaps, as inconceivable (laughs to self at word usage) as it may seem, while dating a man who was recovering from testicle surgery, a 38 year old woman, after one irresponsible spin around the sheets, might just end up pregnant! Naah...

So...as I had been dancing and drinking in the ocean all day, I thought I might just call this guy up (he was much more organized about my monthly cycle than myself and I seemed to recall he kept it on a calendar...). A little drunk dialing menstrual jibber jabber later and it seemed that I could maybe, perhaps be a teensy weensy bit late in the Aunt Flo category. We then topped it off in a very lovely text war and I decided it might be smart to go ahead and pick up one of those fancy sticks you pee on (seems they did away with the rabbits years ago).

Of course after this revelation to myself if nobody else, sleep eluded me. I found myself on the internet at 3 in the morning typing in what I thought was the first day of my last period (a question I always fail at the Gynecologist, while wondering "who the hell keeps track of THAT?"). Luckily, I remembered that I had been traveling that week which made it a much easier ballpark job. Any way I ballparked the number though, these "pregnancy calculators" seemed to think that I was, in fact, carrying offspring.

Fast forward to the next morning....I sheepishly moved my right-hand "powerful single woman" diamond ring, to the left hand; waltzed into Walgreen's and purchased two store-brand rapid results tests. I had peed in a plastic cup prior to leaving the house, having researched the whole baby test thing and learned that first thing in the morning pee contains the most of that pregnancy hormone...once back at the house, unwrapped and dipped the first test...that line couldn't have gotten blue faster than green grass passes through a goose. Not swayed by that blue line...I took another dip...no doubt.  Oh crap.