Yeeesh.

Been freaking out all day since the phone call.  I relish the good news (risk for Downs is 1:360, Spina Bifida is 1:2,000) but can't help but focus on the bad (Trisomy 18 1:18 risk).

Of course I drive myself crazy reading message boards and research on this chromosomal deficiency.  I read stories of babies born still, babies living 5 days, look at photos of dead babies...I need another hobby besides pregnancy.

The truth that I know is that this is a minimal 5% risk.  I also know what a horrible prognosis it presents if it is, in fact, Trisomy 18.  I ALSO know that God has a plan for me and Vivian Grace and I need to surrender to His will.

I can't help the bad feelings that creep in.  I can't help but feel that I am being punished for conceiving a child out of wedlock...I know these feelings are wrong to have.  I know I am beating myself up.  I also know I have to let myself go through these feelings and accept them...right or wrong as they may be.

In one week I will have more answers.  I have a feeling it is going to be a very very long week. 

Trisomy 18 risk, 1:18

Just got off of the phone with the genetic counselor.  With the second round of the sequential screening my risk for Trisomy 18 has come back with a number that I am quite uncomfortable with, 1:18.

All of my other bloodwork has been great up until now.  It's amazing how much information they can now glean from simple blood tests, and while I am thankful for the knowledge, it now becomes a waiting game for the week.  I will be seen next week for a more comprehensive sonogram and potentially an amnio pending the sonogram results.

This chromosomal defect impacts about 1 in 3,000 pregnancies.  50% of these babies do not make it to term, and only 10% make it to their first birthday. 

I cannot dwell in fear, I must live in prayer.

One of the many reasons I am SO TIRED!

What a learning experience this whole invasion is.  While I was aware that fatigue is a consistent symptom during pregnancy, the many reasons for this were unknown to me.  I have learned that I now have 25 to 45% more BLOOD!  Not only do I see this as yet another reason for weight gain, but my heart is now working a whole lot harder to power my fatness!  

Add to this, increased blood flow to my parts (which, sadly, I cannot see any more and am in a state of mourning and regret that I neglected to say goodbye to my vagina, which will never look as it last did in my eyes).  So my organs, my parts, and whatever else have more blood.  My heart is working a whole lot harder to power my body and I find myself worn out from walking the flatness with my fatness.

This too shall pass, and the rewards will be immeasurable as I have now come to recognize.

Low Lying Placenta

At the Perinatal visit this week, I was informed that I currently have a low lying placenta.  This is a condition that should correct itself over time; however, I will continue to be followed by the specialist and they will monitor this condition to make sure it does.  Apparently, it is a relatively common condition but can lead to, I believe, the need for a C-Section should it not correct itself.  Basically, my placenta is the first thing that would be exiting the exit hole which is not a favorable thing.  I was wondering why, during my sonogram this week, they seemed so focused on my cervix and now I know why.  As my pregnancy progresses, should this condition continue, it is called "Placenta Previa".

Upon further research, there is nothing that I have done wrong to create this issue and there is nothing that I can do to help my placenta move to where it is supposed to go.  I guess this is another situation where the power of positive thinking and prayer fall into place.  Let's hope my brain and heart can fix my placenta.