Yeeesh.

Been freaking out all day since the phone call.  I relish the good news (risk for Downs is 1:360, Spina Bifida is 1:2,000) but can't help but focus on the bad (Trisomy 18 1:18 risk).

Of course I drive myself crazy reading message boards and research on this chromosomal deficiency.  I read stories of babies born still, babies living 5 days, look at photos of dead babies...I need another hobby besides pregnancy.

The truth that I know is that this is a minimal 5% risk.  I also know what a horrible prognosis it presents if it is, in fact, Trisomy 18.  I ALSO know that God has a plan for me and Vivian Grace and I need to surrender to His will.

I can't help the bad feelings that creep in.  I can't help but feel that I am being punished for conceiving a child out of wedlock...I know these feelings are wrong to have.  I know I am beating myself up.  I also know I have to let myself go through these feelings and accept them...right or wrong as they may be.

In one week I will have more answers.  I have a feeling it is going to be a very very long week. 

Trisomy 18 risk, 1:18

Just got off of the phone with the genetic counselor.  With the second round of the sequential screening my risk for Trisomy 18 has come back with a number that I am quite uncomfortable with, 1:18.

All of my other bloodwork has been great up until now.  It's amazing how much information they can now glean from simple blood tests, and while I am thankful for the knowledge, it now becomes a waiting game for the week.  I will be seen next week for a more comprehensive sonogram and potentially an amnio pending the sonogram results.

This chromosomal defect impacts about 1 in 3,000 pregnancies.  50% of these babies do not make it to term, and only 10% make it to their first birthday. 

I cannot dwell in fear, I must live in prayer.